While it is widely believed that the band was formed during the time of Charlemagne, the earliest verifiable record of the bands activities comes from the Domesday Book (1086) where two guitars, a bass, drums, keys, trumpet, sax, trombone and harmonica, were recorded in the burgh of Edinburgh. However the main body of the bands historical activities can be traced to the Elizabethan period where the band single-handedly destroyed the Spanish armada (1588), wrote Hamlet (1598), and ended the Thirty Years War. No mean feat. Much later in the Napoleonic period, the band distinguished themselves at the Battle of the Nile (where Cammy discovered the Great Pyramids), and the Battle of Waterloo where they single-handedly defeated Napoleons armies (with some help from the Prussians) and with it, the last gasp of Napoleonic Europe. Phew. After brief service in the Crimea, there was no rest for the band where their work continued, mainly in the field of science where they discovered the element Barium (named after the bands original keyboard player), and also Colin’s General Theory of Things Moving Quickly in Different Directions (later renamed Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity). After this the band were preoccupied mainly with service in both world wars. Notable actions include the Somme offensive, discovering radar (that was Big Andy), surrounding the German 6th army at Stalingrad, and of course Operation Overlord (nice one Joe).
In the second half of the twentieth century the band has been focussing its efforts mainly in the delivery of high tempo thundering ska music, the likes of which no one in history has heard. What does the future hold for Bombskare? “I think we can be looking forward to a long sustained period of growth for the band”, says the bands chief economics Guru Andy P. “With interest rates the way they are, and the current climate in the property market, then I don’t see why we can’t be discovering a cure for cancer and aids some time soon. Beyond that the only thing left would be to explore the known universe spreading the gospel of ska.” The bands cultural affairs spokesperson Smiling Michael Knox is less sanguine. He says “it’s a responsibility we take very seriously. We know there are a lot of young people out there listening to the wrong kind of ska. We want to put out the message that kids should say no to bad ska. BAD SKA IS WRONG.” Foreign secretary Murray Graham-Heseltine adds “why should we good ska bands have to subsidise all those shirkers out there producing bad ska, with our hard earned good ska”. The band is also keen to stress that they are and always have been an equal opportunity ska band. Wheezing Jay Sloan, the bands Home Affairs correspondent says “we offer opportunities to idiots and maniacs alike, with no distinction. It doesn’t matter if you can barely stand up, string two words together, or even smell bad, there’s an opportunity for you”. With that as their ethos it is certain that this world is too small for them. To quote the great Gonzo, this band are “one of gods own prototypes; a high powered mutant of some kind, never even considered for mass-production.